🧠 8 Things to Start Doing to Beat Perfectionism as an ADHD Woman

Perfectionism isn’t always about being high-achieving.

For women with ADHD, it often shows up differently—less about chasing success, more about avoiding failure, judgment, or shame.

It can look like:

• Procrastinating until it feels self-sabotaging

• Taking hours to write a simple email

• Avoiding tasks while waiting for the “right” conditions

• Dismissing praise as undeserved

• Believing every mistake proves you’re not enough

If that resonates, you’re not broken—and you’re not alone.

Perfectionism is often a coping mechanism that starts in childhood. For many ADHD women, it becomes a way of masking—trying to stay safe in a world that expected too much and offered too little support.

Now, you get to try a new approach. Here are some things to work on to start a shift away from perfectionism.

---

1. Watch for All-or-Nothing Thinking

This mindset sorts everything into extremes: success or failure, perfect or pointless.

You might think:

• “If I didn’t do everything, I did nothing.”

• “If I messed up once, the whole thing’s ruined.”

• “If I can’t do it perfectly, why bother?”

This often comes from early experiences where mistakes brought shame or rejection. Your brain learned to associate “imperfect” with “unsafe.”

Instead, ask:

“What was I actually trying to do?”

Even small efforts—showing up, trying something hard, learning—are meaningful. Progress doesn’t need to be perfect to count.

---

2. Notice “Always” and “Never” Thinking

Thoughts like:

• “I always mess this up.”

• “I never get it right.”

These words create sweeping judgments from isolated moments. It’s your brain bracing for disappointment.

Try asking:

“Has this ever gone differently?”

Even one counterexample can remind you that the story isn’t black-and-white—it’s just your brain feeling overwhelmed.

---

3. Practice “Good Enough”

The ADHD brain often fixates on flaws, sticks to the negative things, and misses what went well.

Try ending the day by naming one thing that was “okay enough.”

Not perfect, not impressive—just sufficient. Maybe you answered an email, got dressed, or paused before burning out.

Let that be enough for today.

---

4. Let Complements in

Thought:
“They’re just being nice. It doesn’t count.”

Compliments may trigger imposter feelings. Your brain doubts the praise, thinking it’s based on a false image of you.

Try saying:

“Thank you. That’s hard to hear—but I’m practicing letting it in.”

You don’t have to believe it right away. Just let the words land without brushing them off.

---

5. Interrupt Rejection Stories

Thought:
“They didn’t reply—did I do something wrong?”

The ADHD brain struggles with waiting and uncertainty, so it fills silence with imagined rejection.

Try saying aloud:

“My brain is writing a rejection story.”

Then ground yourself:

Name one thing you can see, hear, and touch. That’s real—the story is just one possibility.

---

6. Replace “Should” with “Need”

Thought:
“I should be able to do this.”

“Should” usually reflects outside expectations—not what actually works for you.

Try this instead:

“What do I need right now?”

Say it aloud: “I need more time.” “I need help.” “I need to try a different way.”

---

7. Reframe Laziness

Thought:
“I can’t get it together. I’m just lazy.”

This thought often reflects an executive function mismatch, not a lack of effort or will. Most ADHD people have not been given support as neurominorities, instead told they are lazy when they struggle.

Try saying:

“This isn’t laziness. It’s an executive function mismatch. I need support.”

Then ask: What kind of support would help right now?

---

8. Don’t Carry What’s Not Yours

Thought:

“This must be my fault.”

If you grew up as the peacekeeper or overachiever, you may blame yourself to avoid conflict or uncertainty.

Try this: Stretch your arms wide and say:

“I care—but I don’t have to carry everything.”
Ask: “What’s actually mine to handle? What isn’t?”

Setting emotional boundaries isn’t selfish; it’s healthy and necessary.

---

Final Thought

You tried to earn safety by being perfect. You masked your struggles, over-functioned, spiraled, and pushed through to feel “enough.”

Of course you did.

Now, you get to choose a new way—one with more compassion, less pressure, and room to grow as you are.

Here’s a FREE worksheet handout you can download with more info.

---

In the Flourish neurodivergent affirming support group for women, built on my Flourish 5S Empowerment model, we discuss perfectionism. This is a scaffolded learning model designed to help you unmask and support yourself. Not fix yourself.

Every woman is welcome to my groups and scholarships; sliding fees are available if you can’t afford them.

You’ll learn tools to practice self-compassion, adjust your self-talk, and build rhythms that actually work with your brain.

👉Learn about the Flourish Model and Community Here

👉 Get into the group. Just put our name on the list for the next cohort here

👉 Therapist/coach curious about the Flourish model? Please! Get on the list for the next affordable coach training here.

I hope you enjoyed this newsletter about perfectionism.

Have a good week.

Kristen