Do you ever feel like you're your own worst critic?

Unmasking Internalized Ableism in ADHD Women

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Do you find yourself saying things like…

• “What’s wrong with me? Why don’t I have more energy? ”

• “Why am I such an emotional mess?”

• “Everyone else seems to manage. Why can’t I just keep up?”

• “I can’t stick to anything. I need to get on a stricter routine.”

Where did that relentless voice come from?

💭 Ableism is the system that says there’s a “normal” way to move, focus, feel, and function—and if you don’t fit it, you must be the problem.

In a world that only values one kind of brain, one kind of body, and one kind of effort, you’re constantly surrounded by messages about how you “should” function.

These messages come from:

• School rules that reward quiet, fast, linear thinkers

• Workplaces that praise nonstop productivity

• Media that celebrates independence and “grind” culture

• Families that expect obedience, emotional control, or perfection

• Health systems that treat your needs like problems to fix

But it’s not just judgment from others. It becomes the internal voice that turns your needs into shame. That’s what we’re unlearning here.

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🔍 What Internalized Ableism Sounds Like

You’ve heard these before—maybe today:

“I’m just lazy.”
“Why can’t I figure this out like everyone else?”
“If I could just be more consistent…”
“I’m the problem.”

“I should be able to do this. I’m an adult, for crying out loud.”
“If I could just stick to a routine, everything would be fine.”
“I don’t deserve to rest until everything’s done.”
“I’m too emotional. Too sensitive. Too much.”

None of this is true.

You’ve taken these outside voices and made them your inside voice!

🔍 Common “Flavors” of Internalized Ableism

1. Productivity = Worth

“If I can’t keep up, I’m failing.”
Belief: You only matter if you're producing.

1. Independence Above All

“I should be able to do this on my own.”
Belief: Needing help makes you weak or broken.

1. Emotional Control

“I’m too much—too sensitive, too dramatic.”
Belief: Emotions make you unstable or untrustworthy.

1. Push Through the Pain

“I just need to try harder.”
Belief: Struggling is a failure of willpower.

1. Consistency or Bust

“Why can’t I do this every day like everyone else?”
Belief: Fluctuation means you’re unreliable.

1. Normal is the Goal

“I wish I could just be normal.”
Belief: Different = broken. Fitting in = success.

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💥 Try This Instead:

👂 Name it:

“Wait—is that my voice, or is that ableism in disguise?”
Even asking the question loosens its grip.

🔁 Reframe it:

“My body isn’t a machine. My needs are real. What do I need right now?”

🔄 Replace it:

“Support isn’t weakness. Rest isn’t failure. My struggles don’t mean I’m broken.”

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✨ A Reclaiming Affirmation:

I can unlearn the lies that needing support or being different means failure.

I remember the truth:

I was never fully accommodated!.
I deserve a life that supports my brain and honors my strength.

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🔗 Want more?

Here’s a free worksheet to help you track and reframe internalized ableism in real time.

How does it show up for you?

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We talk about internalized ableism stigma and shame in the Flourish neurodivergent affirming support group for women—a neurodivergent-affirming community built on my Flourish 5S Empowerment model.

Every woman is welcome to my groups and scholarships; sliding fees are available if you can’t afford them.

You’ll learn tools to practice self-compassion, adjust your self-talk, and build rhythms that actually work with your brain.

👉Learn about the Flourish Model and Community Here

👉 Get into the group. Just put our name on the list for the next cohort here
👉 Therapist/coach curious about the Flourish model? Please! Get on the list for the next affordable coach training here.

I hope you enjoyed this newsletter about internalized stigma.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Kristen