Mastering the Skill of Asking for Help with Confidence

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Do you ever hesitate to ask for help because you don’t want to feel like a burden?
You’re not alone. Many ADHDers struggle with the self-advocacy skill of asking for help, and it’s because:

🔹 They’ve been told to “just try harder.”
🔹 They fear being seen as difficult or needy.
🔹 They worry people will say no—or worse, judge them.

But here’s the truth: Asking for help is a skill that helps with unmasking. Like any skill, it gets easier with practice.

If you’ve ever felt guilty about advocating for yourself, I want you to hear this loud and clear: You deserve support. Your needs are valid. Let’s talk about how to ask for help—without the guilt.

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🏢 At Work

🔹 Instead of:
❌ “I have a hard time following verbal instructions—sorry!”
✅ Try: “I work best with written instructions. Could you email that to me?”

🔹 Instead of:
❌ “I struggle with deadlines but’ll try my best.”
✅ Try: “I need more time for this task. Can we adjust the deadline?”

💡 Why this works: You’re setting yourself up for success instead of apologizing for how your brain works.

(Your ability to do this will vary depending on whether you have a safe environment at work.)

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❤️ In Relationships

🔹 Instead of:
❌ “I know I’m annoying, but can you remind me about this?”
✅ Try: “Reminders help me stay on track. Would you be open to that?”

🔹 Instead of:
❌ “I just don’t want to talk right now—I know that’s bad.”
✅ Try: “I recharge with quiet time. I love you, and I’ll check in later.”

💡 Why this works: You’re framing your needs in a way that strengthens, rather than strains, your relationships.

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👯‍♀️ Social Life

🔹 Instead of:
❌ “I know I’m always late—I’m terrible with time.”
✅ Try: “Time blindness is part of how my brain works. I’ll set extra reminders.”

🔹 Instead of:
❌ “I feel bad leaving early, but I need to go.”
✅ Try: “I had a great time! I’m heading out to recharge—see you soon.”

💡 Why this works: You’re setting boundaries while keeping the connection positive.

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🔄 Reframe the Shame

❌ Conditioned belief: “I should be able to do everything on my own.”
💡 Reframe: “Support makes life easier—I deserve help just like anyone else.”

❌ Conditioned belief: “If I ask for help, people will think I’m lazy.”
💡 Reframe: “Advocating for my needs is a strength, not a weakness.”

👉 ADHD brains thrive with support. The more we normalize asking for help, the easier it gets.

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💡 Taking Small Steps in Flourish

In my Flourish group, we discuss working on small steps toward self-advocacy. It’s not about making huge, intimidating changes overnight—it’s about practicing tiny shifts that build confidence over time.

Maybe that means asking a friend to text you a reminder without feeling guilty, and or simply noticing when you apologize for needing help, and replacing it with self-compassion.

Every small step counts. And when we celebrate those wins together, asking for help becomes easier—and even empowering.

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📝 Your Action Step

Where do you struggle to ask for help—work, relationships, social life? Where is the safest place you can practice acquiring this skill?

Pick one small way to practice asking for help this week. Try using one of the scripts above!

✨ Start small. Even one tiny request for help is a win! ✨

If you want to work more on this, I have a worksheet to help you. There are both printable and fillable versions at that link. Feel free to use these with your clients if you are a therapist or coach.

What’s one way you’ll advocate for yourself this week?

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I’m Kristen McClure, MSW, LCSW—a therapist with 30 years of experience, a child and mental health advocate, and a neurodivergent-affirming coach. I run a therapy practice in Charlotte, NC, and have developed a comprehensive, neurodivergent-affirming program for ADHD and AuDHD women.

🔹 Learn more about the Flourish program: here
🔹 Join the waitlist for the next Flourish cohort: here
🔹 Join my free, affirming community for neurodivergent women: here
🔹 Are you a therapist and want to learn about the flourish model? I’m considering teaching this model and sharing the materials. sign up here

I also write four free newsletters on Substack, covering ADHD advocacy, neurodivergent children, and therapist topics.