Introduction
Knowing what you're feeling is not just about self-awareness—it's a fundamental skill that keeps you safe and guides your decisions.
For many women with ADHD and autism, however, identifying and expressing feelings can be exceptionally challenging due to a condition known as alexithymia.
What is Alexithymia?
Alexithymia is when a person has difficulty recognizing their own emotions. It's like having a conversation where you understand the words but can't grasp the meaning. This can make everyday emotional experiences confusing and complicated to manage.
The Impact of Alexithymia
When you have alexithymia, you might struggle to understand why certain situations make you uneasy or why interactions with others sometimes leave you feeling unsettled. This can lead to:
Difficulties in relationships: Misunderstanding your own emotions can lead to miscommunications and strained relationships.
Challenges in personal safety and well-being: If you're not sure how you feel, you might not recognize when you're in a situation that isn't good for you.
Problems with decision-making: Emotional awareness helps guide many of our decisions. Without it, making choices can feel like guessing.
Improving Emotional Awareness
You can learn to improve your ability to understand your feelings, and you should. It will help keep you safe and help improve your confidence.
One effective tool to begin working on this is the feelings wheel. This visual aid helps you start by identifying a core emotion and then work outward to more specific feelings, which can provide clarity and insight.
How to Use the Feelings Wheel:
Choose a Core Emotion: Begin with basic emotions like sadness, joy, or anger.
Expand Outward: From that core emotion, identify more specific feelings. For example, if you start with "sad," you might find that "lonely" or "hopeless" better describes your feelings. Research shows this helps with emotional regulation. We call this granularity of emotion.
Practice and Reflect: Keep using the wheel to get better at recognizing your emotions. Discuss your findings with someone you trust, and try to describe any physical sensations that go along with your feelings. This practice helps build your emotional vocabulary and understanding.
Encouragement to Keep Trying
Learning to accurately identify your emotions takes practice, especially when you're dealing with alexithymia.
Regularly using tools like the Feelings Wheel and engaging in open conversations about your feelings are practical steps you can take to improve your emotional insight. Each attempt is a step forward in making your emotional landscape clearer and more navigable.
If you struggle with this, you may need more help! Try consulting a specialist or someone willing to learn about neurodivergent-affirming care.
Consider joining the new free community I’ve created for all ADHD women to chat, connect, and prepare for our next support group.
Join the waitlist for my support and education group, starting in a few weeks. It includes videos, workbooks, an optional course, and the community. It is a neurodivergent affirming created for women who want support! Scholarships and sliding fee options are available. There is room for everyone.
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Great article! I always thought my difficulty defining and expressing was just related to family expectations. Now I understand it’s part of my neurodivergence. I love the chart 🤩 Thank you! 😊