ADHD, Trauma & Navigating Work Leadership That Triggers You

You open the meeting invite and feel your body tense.

Have you been here before?

🟣 Sick to your stomach
🟣 Wanting to cancel
🟣 Heart racing before the meeting even starts
🟣 Running through every possible outcome just in case

Inconsistent feedback. Shifting expectations. Power dynamics no one names.

It’s not just “a stressful day.”
It’s a corporate environment that confuses, pressures, and penalizes.

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What Makes Work Feel Unsafe for ADHD Women

For ADHD women, workplaces with toxic leadership are particularly triggering.

Here are some signs of this kind of leadership.

🔵 Emotionally inconsistent
🔵 Dismissive or reactive
🔵 Unclear, but expects you to read minds
🔵 Avoidant and unavailable, although they claim to always be there for support
🔵 Using tone or silence to signal disapproval (triggering your RSD constantly)

WHY?

This dynamic echoes how earlier systems (such as school, family, and social groups) treated you. Additionally, getting it wrong came with consequences.

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How You Might Be Responding at Work

🔷 You freeze or shut down mid-sentence
🔷 You start second-guessing every interaction
🔷 You work extra hard to feel safe from criticism or failure
🔷 You feel increasingly stressed by things you used to handle
🔷 You blame yourself when something feels off

You’re reacting to emotional unpredictability the way your nervous system has been patterned to, by masking, scanning for tone shifts, and bracing for impact.

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What Can Help (Even If You Can’t Leave Yet)

🌿 Set up consistency where you can

Create a simple routine before and after intense meetings.
Take a short walk. Listen to a reset playlist. Step outside. Sit quietly.
This won’t change the environment, but it gives your nervous system something predictable to return to.

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📝 Write down what happened

If something felt off, harmful, or confusing, make a note.

• What was said?

• What changed in the tone or energy?

• How did your body respond?

This provides clarity and helps you identify patterns. Later, you might choose to share it with someone who can validate what you experienced.

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🗣 Use short, prepared scripts when you feel overwhelmed

These help you respond without needing to explain everything.

• “I need to come back to this after I’ve processed it.”

• “I want to respond thoughtfully, so I’m going to take some space.”

Use them as they are, or change the wording to fit your voice.

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🤝 Stay connected to people who understand you

It helps to check in with someone who doesn’t need a long explanation.

A friend, coworker, therapist, or even a brief text exchange with someone who understands can help you reset.
They remind you of your value and provide a sense of stability.

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A Low-Energy Tool That Might Help

Before your next meeting or call, write down one grounding word on a sticky note.

Try:

• “Observe”

• “Breathe”

• “Calm”

Place it where you can easily see it, such as on your desk or computer.

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I hope this newsletter on toxic work environments was helpful for you.
My clients always thrive when they find a leadership style that is the opposite of the one that we are describing here.

If you liked it, please share it. It’s completely free.

Have a good week,
Kristen

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In the Flourish neurodivergent affirming support group for women, built on my Flourish 5S Empowerment model, we explore strategies for self-support in various environments. This is a scaffolded learning model designed to help you unmask and support yourself. Not fix yourself.

Every woman is welcome to my groups and scholarships; sliding fees are available if you can’t afford them.

You’ll learn tools to practice self-compassion, adjust your self-talk, and build rhythms that actually work with your brain.

👉Learn about the Flourish Model and Community Here

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